There is
a line in a currently popular Christian song that describes being in a
relationship with Christ as involving “hard truth and ridiculous grace”.[1]
I have talked a lot about the “ridiculous grace” and love of God. This is the “hard truth” chapter.
Over the
years I have learned how to just be myself with others as I realized God
created me uniquely and I am the only one who can be me. I have also understood that I can be myself
before God and honestly express my feelings to Him. But it has only been the last couple of years
that I have begun to see the importance of being my authentic self with
myself. I am realizing that I have spent
many years lying to myself because it was easier than facing the harsh reality
that I am deeply flawed.
Often I
find when I am learning a lesson, suddenly I hear the topic I am learning
everywhere. This morning as I am in the
middle of writing this chapter, I listened as usual to The Daily Hope
podcast. Sure enough, Rick Warren commented about lying to yourself:
You can’t
be trusted to always tell yourself the truth....you lie to yourself more than
you lie to anybody else....We tell ourselves things are better than they really
are when they aren’t and sometimes we tell ourselves things are worse than they
really are. We don’t always get it
right. I’m giving you permission to not believe what you tell yourself.[2]
One area
I often lie to myself about is my weight. I have been up and down with my
weight my whole life. I love to eat and
have very little self control. So it was
inevitable that my habits led me to obesity.
The Apostle Paul warns us, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A
man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will
reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap
eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8, NIV) I had to face the fact that years of poor
eating and little exercise would eventually wreck my health. About three years
ago I was up to 200 pounds which is ridiculously heavy for a person who is by
any measure short. Now my gynecologist
had been telling me for years that I should lose weight but I just ignored her. Even the fact that I had to start wearing
plus sizes did not phase me. And if I
was honest with myself (which I wasn’t of course) I would have seen that I was
eating junk and was totally out of shape.
I would get winded going up one flight of stairs. I had a rude awakening when I had a painful
health scare. This time I asked my
primary care doctor what I might do to prevent similar problems in the
future. He said simply, “well, you could
lose weight.” I guess because I had
asked for guidance, this time I decided to heed the doctor’s advice.
So I
decided to sign up for Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time. This time I was determined to lose the weight
and keep it off no matter how long it took.
In my year and a half weight loss journey I came to realize how often I
lie to myself about what I eat. One key
part of the WW program is that you need to keep track of the number of points
you eat each day. This is now very easy
to do with the smart phone app. When I
was eating the right things, I was diligent about recording what I ate. But
when I had just gone crazy eating everything in sight, I would not bother to
track. It was probably a year or so into
my journey that I realized that the only person I was fooling by not tracking
my binges was myself. No one else looks
at my food diary. And the truth comes
out when I step on the scales. So I
started writing down everything no matter how many points I have consumed. I have been pretty much at my goal weight for
a year but I know I need the support of fellow strugglers to keep being honest
with myself.
Another
area that God has recently been showing me that I am lying to myself about is
my writing ability. I enjoy writing and
over the years I have done many writing projects for my church. I take pride in my writing. In the Bible there are two kinds of pride. There is a good kind of pride that takes
pleasure in a job well done.[3] But pride in the Bible is most often a
negative thing. This pride is really
arrogance. It involves haughtiness,
conceit, hubris, self-importance, and egotism.
I thought my pride in writing was solely the good kind of pride. But about two years ago, I was working on a writing
project for church where it became clear that I thought I knew better than my
writing partner. I was more experienced
and he should listen to my wise ideas and follow my lead. When he did not see things my way, God used
this as an opportunity to point out my prideful attitude. But I still insisted, at least to myself,
that I was in the right. Finally, I was
taken aback when I realized that my arrogant assertions were putting me at odds
with God. The Bible says in several
places that “God is opposed to the proud.”[4] Arrogant pride is an ugly thing; no one wants
to admit having it. But once again Paul warns us to quit lying to ourselves:
Stop
deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you
need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is
foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, “He traps the wise in the snare of
their own cleverness.” And again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise; He
knows they are worthless.” (1 Corinthians 3:18-20, NLT)
Any ability
I have has been given to me by God. When
I am using my abilities to glorify God and help others, there is a natural satisfaction
that comes from doing my best. But when
I start thinking I am hot stuff because I good at something, I have forgotten
who and what I am. I am deceiving
myself. As St. Vincent de Paul said, “Humility
is nothing but truth, and pride is nothing but lying.”[5]
Learning the Lesson:
God want
us to face the truth, ugly though it may sometimes be, about ourselves. David realized this after Nathan the prophet confronted
him about his affair with Bathsheba. He wrote: “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know
wisdom.” (Psalm 51:6, NASB)
James
also warned us about lying to ourselves: “Do not merely listen to the word, and
so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does
not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and,
after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks
like.” (James 1:22-24, NIV)
Ask God
to show you areas in which you are lying to yourself. Just a word of warning: Don’t ask Him unless you are ready to face
the truth and willing to change with God’s help. But there is an upside. Facing the hard truth
about yourself leads to amazing liberation.
After all Jesus promises us: “…you will know the truth, and the
truth will make you free.” (John 8:32, NASB)
[1] Hulse, E., Sapp,
J. & Wells, T. (2017). Known. On Hills and valleys [Streaming].
NewYork: Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC.
[2] Warren, R. (2019, July 2). When no one understands your Goal – Part 2. Pastor
Rick's Daily Hope [Podcast].
[3] This type of pride is mentioned in Galatians 6:4, Romans
11:13, and 2 Corinthians 5:12.
[4] Proverbs 3:34, James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5.
[5] This is another quote found all over the internet
attributed to a famous person. I could
not find where St. Vincent de Paul said this but it is a good quote whoever
originated it.
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