When I saw the movie, Ordinary People[1],
I thought the title was appropriate. The
family in the movie was just like the one I grew up in. We also lived in an
affluent suburb of a Midwestern city. We
were concerned about keeping up appearances and not letting outsiders in on our
family business. Do the right things,
say the right things, have a good image.
Today people do the same thing by making sure their social media
profiles are appealing and get liked. Keep
your true feelings to yourself and just put on a happy face.
I think when I first became a Christ follower, some of
this putting up a good front crept into my relationship with God. I would tell God what I thought He wanted to
hear rather than what was truly on my heart.
Then someone suggested a good practice would be to read five psalms and
one chapter of Proverbs a day, that way you would read through both books in a
month. I decided to try it. At the end of the month, I can say I really
appreciated the practical wisdom of Proverbs but I fell in love with Psalms. To this day, more than 45 years later, Psalms
is by far my favorite book of the Bible.
The Psalms were the prayer/hymn book of Israel. The writers expressed the full range of
emotions. King David, of whom it was
said, “The Lord has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart...” (1
Samuel 13:14, NASB) wrote nearly half of Psalms. In these psalms he told God,
v Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning
I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly. (Psalm 5:3, NLT)
v When I look at the night sky and see the work of Your
fingers— the moon and the stars You set in place— what are mere mortals that You
should think about them, human beings that You should care for them? (Psalm
8:3-4, NLT)
v I will praise You, Lord, with all my heart; I will
tell of all the marvelous things You have done. I will be filled with joy
because of You. I will sing praises to Your name, O Most High. (Psalm 9:1-2,
NLT)
But David did not just tell God what
he thought He would want to hear. He
told Him everything, the good, the bad and the ugly:
v Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me,
Lord, for my bones are in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until You
restore me? I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out
because of all my enemies. (Psalm 6:2-3,6-7, NLT)
v Arise, O Lord, in anger! Stand up against the fury of
my enemies! Wake up, my God, and bring justice! (Psalm 7:6, NLT)
v O Lord, how long will You forget me? Forever? How long
will You look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will
die. (Psalm 13:1-3, NLT)
v O Lord, don’t rebuke me in Your anger or discipline me
in Your rage! Your arrows have struck deep, and Your blows are crushing me.
Because of Your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my
sins. My guilt overwhelms me— it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds
fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with
pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief. A raging fever burns within
me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans
come from an anguished heart. (Psalm 38:1-8, NLT)
So I have concluded that God wants me to be honest
with Him about how I feel. I tell Him when I am happy or sad or afraid or angry
or bitter or upset. I show Him my underbelly, the me I don’t want people to see
because after all He is God so He knows all about it. It seems to me that God
would rather have me yell at Him than ignore Him.
A couple years
ago, I read a book which said you should never ask God why? This really struck me as well-meaning but
misguided advice. So I did a little
study and found there were at least seven “why psalms.”[2] And what
about Job. He started out with a good
attitude but then he started to complain and asked why 19 times before God
answered him. Asking why is a normal
human response to tragedy in our lives. We
can ask God why, but He is not obligated to explain His reasons to us. Ask why,
wrestle with God then decide whether or not you are going to trust Him even if
you never understand why.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.
Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust
in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is
our refuge. (Psalm 62:5-8, NIV)
I have often found it helpful to write out my prayers
to God. This helps me articulate my
feelings and forces me to face my circumstances. Here is an excerpt from my journal written a
little less than a year after Mom died:
I feel like since closing on Mom’s condo I am going
through grief all over again…Now I have so little to do to finish up the estate.
I have ceased being useful to Mom;
thinking how she would want things done.
I ought to look at it as a greater opportunity to serve You but I feel so
empty, so purposeless. But I know as
Stan[3] says, if
I still have a heartbeat, You have a purpose for me—I just need to know what it
is.
In her marvelous devotional book, Jesus Calling,
Sarah Young imagines (based on her vast knowledge of Scripture) what Jesus
would say to us. Here is what she thinks
He would say about us being ourselves with Him:
When you are with someone you trust completely, you
feel free to be yourself. This is one of
the joys of true friendship. Though I am
Lord of lords and King of kings, I
also desire to be your intimate Friend.
When you are tense or pretentious in our relationship, I feel hurt. I know the worst about you, but I also see
the best in you. I long for you to trust
Me enough to be fully yourself with Me.[4]
Learning the Lesson:
Being
totally honest with God can be a daunting adventure at first.frankness with your
heavenly Father is a new experience, I suggest using the words of one of the
psalms as a jumping off place. Look up
one of the Psalms I have mentioned here (or any other you find that speaks to
you) and write it out inserting your own situation where appropriate. I pray
that this will be the beginning of a whole new dimension in your relationship with God.
[1] If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly recommend it. Not only did it winner the Academy Award for
Best Picture but also the Award for Best Director which went to Robert Redford
in his directorial debut.
[2] Psalms 10, 13, 22, 42, 43, 44, 74,
[3] Stan Coleman, my former pastor.
[4] Young, S. (2011).
Jesus calling. Nashville: Thomas
Nelson, p. 201—July 10.
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