Lesson 7: Just Be Yourself---7.3 Stop Lying to Yourself

There is a line in a currently popular Christian song that describes being in a relationship with Christ as involving “hard truth and ridiculous grace”.[1] I have talked a lot about the “ridiculous grace” and love of God.  This is the “hard truth” chapter.

Over the years I have learned how to just be myself with others as I realized God created me uniquely and I am the only one who can be me.  I have also understood that I can be myself before God and honestly express my feelings to Him.  But it has only been the last couple of years that I have begun to see the importance of being my authentic self with myself.  I am realizing that I have spent many years lying to myself because it was easier than facing the harsh reality that I am deeply flawed.

Often I find when I am learning a lesson, suddenly I hear the topic I am learning everywhere.  This morning as I am in the middle of writing this chapter, I listened as usual to The Daily Hope podcast. Sure enough, Rick Warren commented about lying to yourself:

You can’t be trusted to always tell yourself the truth....you lie to yourself more than you lie to anybody else....We tell ourselves things are better than they really are when they aren’t and sometimes we tell ourselves things are worse than they really are.  We don’t always get it right. I’m giving you permission to not believe what you tell yourself.[2]

One area I often lie to myself about is my weight. I have been up and down with my weight my whole life.  I love to eat and have very little self control.  So it was inevitable that my habits led me to obesity.  The Apostle Paul warns us, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8, NIV) I had to face the fact that years of poor eating and little exercise would eventually wreck my health. About three years ago I was up to 200 pounds which is ridiculously heavy for a person who is by any measure short.  Now my gynecologist had been telling me for years that I should lose weight but I just ignored her.  Even the fact that I had to start wearing plus sizes did not phase me.   And if I was honest with myself (which I wasn’t of course) I would have seen that I was eating junk and was totally out of shape.  I would get winded going up one flight of stairs.  I had a rude awakening when I had a painful health scare.  This time I asked my primary care doctor what I might do to prevent similar problems in the future.  He said simply, “well, you could lose weight.”  I guess because I had asked for guidance, this time I decided to heed the doctor’s advice.

So I decided to sign up for Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time.  This time I was determined to lose the weight and keep it off no matter how long it took.  In my year and a half weight loss journey I came to realize how often I lie to myself about what I eat.  One key part of the WW program is that you need to keep track of the number of points you eat each day.  This is now very easy to do with the smart phone app.  When I was eating the right things, I was diligent about recording what I ate. But when I had just gone crazy eating everything in sight, I would not bother to track.  It was probably a year or so into my journey that I realized that the only person I was fooling by not tracking my binges was myself.  No one else looks at my food diary.  And the truth comes out when I step on the scales.  So I started writing down everything no matter how many points I have consumed.  I have been pretty much at my goal weight for a year but I know I need the support of fellow strugglers to keep being honest with myself.

Another area that God has recently been showing me that I am lying to myself about is my writing ability.  I enjoy writing and over the years I have done many writing projects for my church.  I take pride in my writing.  In the Bible there are two kinds of pride.  There is a good kind of pride that takes pleasure in a job well done.[3]  But pride in the Bible is most often a negative thing.  This pride is really arrogance.  It involves haughtiness, conceit, hubris, self-importance, and egotism.  I thought my pride in writing was solely the good kind of pride.  But about two years ago, I was working on a writing project for church where it became clear that I thought I knew better than my writing partner.  I was more experienced and he should listen to my wise ideas and follow my lead.  When he did not see things my way, God used this as an opportunity to point out my prideful attitude.  But I still insisted, at least to myself, that I was in the right.  Finally, I was taken aback when I realized that my arrogant assertions were putting me at odds with God.  The Bible says in several places that “God is opposed to the proud.”[4]  Arrogant pride is an ugly thing; no one wants to admit having it. But once again Paul warns us to quit lying to ourselves:

Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, “He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness.” And again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise; He knows they are worthless.” (1 Corinthians 3:18-20, NLT)

Any ability I have has been given to me by God.  When I am using my abilities to glorify God and help others, there is a natural satisfaction that comes from doing my best.  But when I start thinking I am hot stuff because I good at something, I have forgotten who and what I am.  I am deceiving myself.  As St. Vincent de Paul said, “Humility is nothing but truth, and pride is nothing but lying.”[5]

Learning the Lesson: 

God want us to face the truth, ugly though it may sometimes be, about ourselves.  David realized this after Nathan the prophet confronted him about his affair with Bathsheba. He wrote: “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.” (Psalm 51:6, NASB)

James also warned us about lying to ourselves: “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” (James 1:22-24, NIV)

Ask God to show you areas in which you are lying to yourself.  Just a word of warning:  Don’t ask Him unless you are ready to face the truth and willing to change with God’s help.  But there is an upside. Facing the hard truth about yourself leads to amazing liberation.  After all Jesus promises us: “…you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32, NASB)

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[1]  Hulse, E., Sapp, J. & Wells, T. (2017). Known. On Hills and valleys [Streaming]. NewYork: Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC.

[2] Warren, R. (2019, July 2).  When no one understands your Goal – Part 2. Pastor Rick's Daily Hope [Podcast].

[3] This type of pride is mentioned in Galatians 6:4, Romans 11:13, and 2 Corinthians 5:12.

[4] Proverbs 3:34, James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5.

[5] This is another quote found all over the internet attributed to a famous person.  I could not find where St. Vincent de Paul said this but it is a good quote whoever originated it.

Lesson 7: Just Be Yourself---7.2 Honest to God

When I saw the movie, Ordinary People[1], I thought the title was appropriate.  The family in the movie was just like the one I grew up in. We also lived in an affluent suburb of a Midwestern city.  We were concerned about keeping up appearances and not letting outsiders in on our family business.  Do the right things, say the right things, have a good image.  Today people do the same thing by making sure their social media profiles are appealing and get liked.  Keep your true feelings to yourself and just put on a happy face.

I think when I first became a Christ follower, some of this putting up a good front crept into my relationship with God.  I would tell God what I thought He wanted to hear rather than what was truly on my heart.  Then someone suggested a good practice would be to read five psalms and one chapter of Proverbs a day, that way you would read through both books in a month.  I decided to try it.  At the end of the month, I can say I really appreciated the practical wisdom of Proverbs but I fell in love with Psalms.  To this day, more than 45 years later, Psalms is by far my favorite book of the Bible.  The Psalms were the prayer/hymn book of Israel.  The writers expressed the full range of emotions.  King David, of whom it was said, “The Lord has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart...” (1 Samuel 13:14, NASB) wrote nearly half of Psalms.  In these psalms he told God,

v  Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly. (Psalm 5:3, NLT)

v  When I look at the night sky and see the work of Your fingers— the moon and the stars You set in place— what are mere mortals that You should think about them, human beings that You should care for them? (Psalm 8:3-4, NLT)

v  I will praise You, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things You have done. I will be filled with joy because of You. I will sing praises to Your name, O Most High. (Psalm 9:1-2, NLT)

But David did not just tell God what he thought He would want to hear.  He told Him everything, the good, the bad and the ugly:

v  Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until You restore me? I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies. (Psalm 6:2-3,6-7, NLT)

v  Arise, O Lord, in anger! Stand up against the fury of my enemies! Wake up, my God, and bring justice! (Psalm 7:6, NLT)

v  O Lord, how long will You forget me? Forever? How long will You look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. (Psalm 13:1-3, NLT)

v  O Lord, don’t rebuke me in Your anger or discipline me in Your rage! Your arrows have struck deep, and Your blows are crushing me. Because of Your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me— it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief. A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. (Psalm 38:1-8, NLT)

So I have concluded that God wants me to be honest with Him about how I feel. I tell Him when I am happy or sad or afraid or angry or bitter or upset. I show Him my underbelly, the me I don’t want people to see because after all He is God so He knows all about it. It seems to me that God would rather have me yell at Him than ignore Him.

  A couple years ago, I read a book which said you should never ask God why?  This really struck me as well-meaning but misguided advice.  So I did a little study and found there were at least seven “why psalms.”[2] And what about Job.  He started out with a good attitude but then he started to complain and asked why 19 times before God answered him.  Asking why is a normal human response to tragedy in our lives.  We can ask God why, but He is not obligated to explain His reasons to us.  Ask why, wrestle with God then decide whether or not you are going to trust Him even if you never understand why.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. (Psalm 62:5-8, NIV)

I have often found it helpful to write out my prayers to God.  This helps me articulate my feelings and forces me to face my circumstances.  Here is an excerpt from my journal written a little less than a year after Mom died:

I feel like since closing on Mom’s condo I am going through grief all over again…Now I have so little to do to finish up the estate.  I have ceased being useful to Mom; thinking how she would want things done.  I ought to look at it as a greater opportunity to serve You but I feel so empty, so purposeless.  But I know as Stan[3] says, if I still have a heartbeat, You have a purpose for me—I just need to know what it is.

In her marvelous devotional book, Jesus Calling, Sarah Young imagines (based on her vast knowledge of Scripture) what Jesus would say to us.  Here is what she thinks He would say about us being ourselves with Him: 

When you are with someone you trust completely, you feel free to be yourself.  This is one of the joys of true friendship.  Though I am Lord of lords and King of kings, I also desire to be your intimate Friend.  When you are tense or pretentious in our relationship, I feel hurt.  I know the worst about you, but I also see the best in you.  I long for you to trust Me enough to be fully yourself with Me.[4]

Learning the Lesson:

Being totally honest with God can be a daunting adventure at first.frankness with your heavenly Father is a new experience, I suggest using the words of one of the psalms as a jumping off place.  Look up one of the Psalms I have mentioned here (or any other you find that speaks to you) and write it out inserting your own situation where appropriate. I pray that this will be the beginning of a whole new dimension in your relationship with God.

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[1] If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly recommend it.  Not only did it winner the Academy Award for Best Picture but also the Award for Best Director which went to Robert Redford in his directorial debut.

[2] Psalms 10, 13, 22, 42, 43, 44, 74,

[3] Stan Coleman, my former pastor.

[4] Young, S. (2011).  Jesus calling. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, p. 201—July 10.

Lesson 7: Just Be Yourself---7.1 Only You Can Be You

            I grew up in what I like to call the age of plain names.  In school the most popular names were Anne and John.  In fact, in my small high school class we had two couples named Anne and John.  But I first became aware of the uniqueness of my name in my family.  My siblings’ names were Bob, Susan and Bill.  And I am Leecy.  No one could get my given name right.  People would call me Lisa or Lucy or most often say, “that is a cute nickname, what is your real name?”  I got so tired of people asking me this question that in the ninth grade my best friend Chris and I made up a “real name” for me: Leesandra.  It never really caught on.

            Names are important because they help shape our identity.  From my childhood, I always knew I was different. I just never knew if that were good or bad.  My sense of being odd man out came to a head my first year on Crusade staff.  I was assigned to the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley.  I had asked to be assigned to a school in the Midwest but I decided the folks at headquarters in California were geographically challenged. Everyone knows Colorado is in the middle of the West not the Midwest.[1]  From the minute I stepped onto campus, I felt out of place.  Everyone in Colorado carried a backpack and I looked foolish with my purse.  Being outdoorsy was required—which is why I learned to ski.  Mostly I felt I unaccepted by my roommate.  She was the “senior woman” on our staff and was supposed to me showing me the ropes as my staff trainer.  When I had joined staff, I developed unrealistically high expectations of the role my trainer would have in my life.  She would not only teach me all I needed to know but be an inspiration and confidant as Barbie had been.   In reality we were polar opposites.  She was a morning person; I am a night owl.  She had been a college athlete; I am a complete klutz. In reality she was more interested in pouring her life into the students she had already worked with the year before.  She saw my training as a duty that often fell to the bottom of her to do list.  I was hoping that at least during the summer, I would have an assignment where I would fit in better.  When my director told me that I was assigned to work with students at a summer camp, I thought he was kidding.  Why would they assign the least outdoorsy person in the world to summer camp?  But he assured me this was no joke.  I tried to be happy about it and dutifully filled out the application needed for the camp.  In May when I went home to visit family and supporters and tried to put on a brave face about camp.  Then I got a last-minute reprieve.  Someone must have figured out that I am not the camping type and I was reassigned to the Panama City Beach Summer Project.

            Arriving in Panama City was like coming to an oasis after a year in the desert.  It was so refreshing to be around people, none of whom I had ever met before, who accepted me for who I was and even seemed to like me.  Through their love and encouragement, I was able to begin to accept myself, quirks and all.  That summer I understood for the first time that God created me the way I am and He wants me to be myself.  After all, only I could be me.  I started to see myself as God sees me: part of His wonderful handiwork:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, You are still with me!

(Psalm 139:13-18, NLT)

This was the beginning of learning who I am in Christ.  Next to the good news of God’s love for me, knowing that I am in Christ and He lives in me is the truth that has most shaped my life.  Over the years I have had multiple opportunities to study and teach the book of Colossians which so clearly outlines these truths.  First, I found that when I trusted Christ and began to follow Him, I went from death to life.  As far as pleasing God was concerned, I was dead. Pleasing God in my own strength was therefore an impossible task.  But thank God, “When I was dead in my sins and in the uncircumcision of my flesh, God made me alive with Christ. He forgave me all my sins.” (Colossians 2:13, NIV, personalized).  Not only am I now alive with Christ but Christ Himself has chosen my heart (and yours too) as His dwelling place: “the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:26-27, NIV) My identity is not determined by the family I grew up in, my education, my work, my hobbies or my friends.  My true identity is found in Christ:

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all His glory. (Colossians 3:1-4, NLT)

           

            My real life is hidden in Christ.  When God sees me, He looks at me through the lenses of Christ.  When God sees me, He does not see my faults, failures and sins; instead, He sees the righteousness of Christ: “Yet now He has reconciled you to Himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault.” (Colossians 1:22, NLT) One of my favorite hymns clearly explains this truth:

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found;

Dressed in His righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne.

            In Christ I have everything I need. I am complete. I am accepted. I am loved.  I can be myself because that is who God created me to be.  I don’t have to pretend to be someone else to get you to like me be because I am secure in who I am in Christ.  This frees me up to genuinely care about other people because I am not (most of the time at least) concerned about winning their approval.  God says I am accepted in His beloved Son[2] therefore, people’s acceptance of me is not such a big deal. 

Learning the Lesson:

It has taken a lifetime to learn the lesson of being myself.  One practice that has helped me is reciting an affirmation of who I am in Christ.  For a while, I would read this aloud to myself each morning.  My affirmation may help you.  If not, I encourage you to write one for yourself that speaks to the truths of your identity in Christ as found in Scripture.  Here is my affirmation:

• v  I (fill in your name) am a child of God. I have been adopted into God’s family.  I am completely accepted in His Beloved Son.  Long ago He settled on me as the focus of His love and no matter what happens, He will keep on loving me.   God sees me through the lens of Christ as holy and blameless above reproach.

• v  I (fill in your name) belong to God. I have been bought with a price, the very precious blood of Jesus, therefore my life is no longer my own.  I glorify God with my body, honor Him with my tongue, I worship Him with my mind and trust Him with my heart. No matter who signs my paycheck, I work for God. Whatever I do I give it my all.  I thank God for the good things He has given me and rely on His promise to meet my needs today.

• v  I (fill in your name) am a new creation in Christ. I enthusiastically join God in the work He is doing.  I am Christ’s ambassador encouraging people to be reconciled to God.  God’s Spirit lives in me and works through me as I embrace His call to service.

• v  This is my birthright, my inheritance in Christ.  Although I am far from perfect, I do not dwell on my past (and neither does God).  Instead I press on, always striving to know God better and become more like Him.  I may face hard times but I won’t quit, I may get discouraged but I won’t give up.  This world is not my final destination. I’m on my way to the heavenly city.  My reward is to see God smile and say well done.

• v  Today, God’s mercy is new, so by His grace, I will live this day for Him[3].

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[1] More likely they just ignored my request and put me where there was a need.

[2] See Ephesians 1:6, KJV

[3] Based on Ephesians 1:1, Romans 8:28-39, Colossians 1:22, Philippians 2:15, 1Corinthians 6:20, 1 Peter 1:19, Matthew 22:37, Proverbs 3:5, Colossians 3:23-24, Psalm 103:2. Philippians 4:19, 2 Corinthians 5:17-20, John 14:17, 1 Peter 4:10, Ephesians 1:11, Philippians 3:12-14, 2 Corinthians 3:18 Galatians 6:9, Hebrews 12:3, Hebrews 11:16, Matthew 25:21, Lamentations 3:22-23, Philippians 1:21

Lesson 6: Wait, He has Something Better---6.3 China comes to Virginia

I arrived in Charlottesville, a few days after Christmas 1986.  The next morning Dr. Bob Finley[1], founder and then president of Christian Aid, whisked me off to Washington, DC where I would serve as the representative for the mission at a conference of Chinese Christians.  The vast majority of the attendees were ABC—American Born Chinese—with a substantial delegation from Taiwan.  While manning the Christian Aid booth, I was approach by the one and only mainland Chinese believer in attendance.  John Cao[2] had become a Christ follower through Christian tourists in his home town in Hunan province.  He had recently come to the States to further his education and grow in his faith.  He was then a foreign student at the University of North Carolina. I convinced John that he should pay us a visit in Charlottesville after the conference.  He could stay at the Guest House for a couple days before he made his way back to Chapel Hill.  During this visit, John told me about the many Chinese students who were now able to come to study in the United States.  Many of them, he informed me, were studying at the University of Virginia, right there in Charlottesville. I vividly remember walking around the grounds of UVA with John and his imparting the vision of what God could do to reach China through these international students.

A few weeks later, I found myself at a Chinese New Year party sponsored but the Chinese Student Association.  My new friend Cynthia Hays[3] knew one of the students who had invited her to the party and I tagged along.  For some reason, Cynthia had to leave early so I became the only outsider in a room of about 50-75 Chinese students and scholars.  One woman, who was a visiting professor from the University of Beijing, felt sorry for me and began translating and explaining the festivities. So my lack of language skills became a bridge to friendship and the beginning of the Chinese Student ministry at UVA.

Not long after this, John Cao made a return trip to Charlottesville bringing with him Dorothy Sun, an amazing woman of faith.  Dorothy had spent 20 years in Chinese labor camps and night parole prison because of her commitment to Jesus Christ. In 1980, when China was liberalizing a bit after the Mao years, Dorothy was released from prison and since she not be been found guilty of any crime, had never been put on trial or even formally indicted, she was released and officially “rehabilitated” by the Chinese government.[4]  Four years later, she had come to the University of North Carolina for a year as a visiting scholar.  Having just got the immigration status that allowed her to work, Dorothy came to join us at Christian Aid and jumped right into ministering to the Chinese students.  She started a Bible study in her kitchen and when it quickly outgrew the space, I became her assistant for the study.  She also connected me with many of the student’s wives whose English was rather rudimentary.  We started a weekly English class with a dozen or so of these women.  Students and scholars who were party members or who had been part of the Red Guard in the Cultural Revolution were now turning to Christ. 

Within a year or so, Dorothy’s husband, Freddie and their two sons were able to leave China and join Dorothy in Charlottesville.  Together Dorothy and Freddie founded the China Division of Christian Aid which God has used to help establish and fund Bible Schools to train church leaders throughout China.

In 1989, the massive demonstrations and crackdown in Tiananmen Square caused many Chinese students and scholars to become disillusioned with human solutions to the problems of their country and the world.  There was a great interest in a spiritual answers to life’s problems.  Many of theses seekers found their way to the Chinese Bible Study, heard the good news of Jesus Christ, became His followers and were baptized.  The Bible Study group grew exponentially and eventually became a church.

I had thought the best way to reach the Chinese would be for me to go to China.  But waiting for God’s way was well worth it.  He brought the Chinese to me.  I must say, I did not do much except be at the right place in God’s time so He could use me as a small link in the chain to set this ministry in motion. I never learned more than a few words of Chinese but God connected me with Chinese believers who had a heart to reach their people. What a joy and privilege I had for four and a half years to see what God could do when I did not get in the way.

Learning the Lesson:

We often ask God to do something for us and we think it will happen right away.  But waiting is frequently necessary to make us ready to receive and participate in the answer to our prayers.  Sometimes life just gets in the way.  For instance, I had the idea for this book in 2000 but I am just now able to finish writing it and hope to publish it in 2020.  Unless God specifically tells you No, don’t give up on your dreams.  Just realize that God’s answer may be much bigger than you anticipate and therefore it may take a while.  Take some time today to meditate on this:                                                                                                                                                         

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21, NIV)

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[1] Dr. Finley recently went to be with the Lord.  You can read about his wonderful legacy here: https://www.christianaid.org/in-memory-3/

[2] As of June 2019, John Cao is in prison in China because of his ministry to the poor on the China/Myanmar border.  See:  Associated Press. (2018, April 18). Jailed Chinese pastor's U.S. family seeks mercy: The Rev. John Sanqiang Cao was sentenced last month to seven years in prison for "organizing others to illegally cross the border." Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/jailed-chinese-pastor-s-u-s-family-seeks-mercy-n866371

[3] Cynthia had worked for Christian Aid for a number of years but when I met her she was working as a local church secretary.  About a year and a half later, she and Dr. Finley got married and she once again worked for Christian Aid.  She served as the mission president for a number of years after ill health forced her husband to retire.

[4] Dorothy’s amazing life story is contained in her books: Sun, D. (2006). Clay in the potter’s hands and Sun, D., & Taylor, P. S. (2015). He alone. Both books are available through Amazon.com.

Lesson 6: Wait, He has Something Better---6.2 The In Between

And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year….” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.” (James 4:13-15, MSG)

I wish I had gone to California will the humble attitude that James encouraged in the passage above.  I should have used my time in California to ask God what He wanted for my life. But instead I went to Arrow Springs, the 1940s era resort that served for many years as the headquarters for Campus Crusade, full of myself, my plans and an overinflated assessment of my gifts and abilities. In the year and a half that I lived and worked in California, God taught me many valuable lessons which did not lead me to China as I had thought.  My love for the Chinese people would be expressed at a later time in a way so much better suited for the person God made me.

In retrospect, I can see that in California I discovered four important truths about myself that have shaped the rest of my life.  First, I found that God used my talents to glorify Him.  As a history major in college, I had loved doing research but I could not imagine that God would ever use this skill as it did not seem “spiritual” enough.  But at Arrow Springs, I was assigned to the Strategy Resource Network office that provided information and technology to support the international ministries.  My job involved being in charge of several research projects to help our organization decide on where to expand our ministries in the future.  This was a foreshadowing of my later life career as a librarian.

Secondly, I learned that I really needed to be a part of a local church.  In college and my first years on staff, I always attended church but my real fellowship, teaching and growth came within the context of Campus Crusade. But while in California, I joined a wonderful unique fellowship, Highland Evangelical Free Church.  For the first time I became a part of a church-based home group.  The singles group at the church developed into a forever family.  For the first time, I began to believe that “local church is the hope of the world.”[1] Ever since, I have had the joy and privilege of not just being a member but being a partner with various local churches.

Next, I learned that I loved meeting people from different cultures, learning about our differences and similarities and showing God’s love to them.  Office staff at headquarters were encouraged to get involved in outreach to the San Bernardino community.  My co-worker, Rochelle Haywood[2] invited me to join the ministry to international students on the local college campuses.  This experience would prove a pivotal link in God fulfilling my dream of Chinese ministry.

Lastly, I learned that I was not cut out for pioneer missions.  Ironically, I discovered this through taking Perspectives on the World Christian Movement, a course designed to encourage believers to get involved in missions. The course gave a realistic appraisal of the qualities needed to be a good pioneering missionary.  One crucial ability, which I don’t have, is an aptitude with languages. I was able to pass French but I was never really fluent in it!

At the end of my year at headquarters I began to think about what was next for me, since going to China was out.  I decided to get a master’s degree in church history with the hope of teaching in a Bible School.  However, that plan did not work out either.  In the year after I graduated from Trinity, all I got was a big pile of rejection letters from schools across the country.  I began to broaden my horizons and took a job with Christian Aid Mission in Charlottesville, Virginia.  According to their website, “Christian Aid Mission seeks to establish a witness for Christ in every nation by assisting indigenous ministries in lands of poverty, where Christians are a persecuted minority, and where foreign missionaries are not allowed.”  My job would be twofold: to oversee the guesthouse where leaders from the indigenous ministries we assisted would come to visit and to reach out to international students.

Learning the Lesson:

The in between time that you spend waiting for God to answer your prayer can be a real test of faith.  Sometimes you will have doubts, as I did, whether God will ever grant what you are requesting.  Sometimes the waiting will seem interminable.  In that year between graduating from Trinity and getting a job at Christian Aid, I had a friend who liked to tell me, “this too shall pass.” I am sure she was trying to be helpful but every time she said it, I cringed. Instead of just twiddling our thumbs and getting aggravated while we wait, we need to look for the lesson God is trying to teach us.

Pastor Jeff Manion wrote a wonderful book, The Land Between: Finding God in Difficult Transitions, in which he uses Israel’s time in the wilderness as a metaphor for our period of transition or waiting.  In the introduction he says:

My prayer for you as you read this book is that God will visit you with grace in your season of transition. I pray that the barren landscape of trial will become the fertile soil for new growth. May our gracious God revive your spirit and restore your laughter. May you find Him in your pain and trust Him in your waiting. May the One who redeems all things meet you powerfully as you journey through the Land Between…. Our response to God while in the Land Between is what will determine whether our journey through this desert will result in deep, positive growth or spiritual decline.[3]

Psalm 37 was written by David to give us advice on what to do while waiting out our in between period.  Read the passage and note below and write down every attitude or action he encourages us to have or do.  Include ones that are repeated every time you see them in your list.  I have done the first few to get you started.

Do not fret because of evildoers, Be not envious toward wrongdoers. For they will wither quickly like the grass and fade like the green herb. Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land. Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more; And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there. But the humble will inherit the land and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity. (Psalm 37:1-11, NASB)

1. Do not fret because of evildoers

2. Be not envious toward wrongdoers

3. Trust in the Lord

4. Do good

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6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

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[1] A phrase coined by Bill Hybels, retired pastor of Willow Creek Church.  He often used this saying to inspire those attending the Global Leadership Summits.

[2] Rochelle served for many years with Campus Crusade in Japan, where she met her husband Steve Clark.  As of this writing Rochelle and Steve are still serving with Cru in the headquarters now located in Orlando, FL.

[3] Manion, J. (2010). The land between: Finding God in difficult transitions. Zondervan [Kindle edition].