In Mrs. Lindeman’s 7th grade homeroom
class, we had an unforgettable assignment.
Our class was going to have a mock 25th reunion. We had to write up our life story from age 13
to 38 so we could tell our classmates what had happened to us since we left
Mrs. Lindeman’s class. I vividly
remember the future I envisioned for myself.
In college I would studying nursing.
After graduation, I would move to Washington, DC where I would practice
nursing and meet my husband, Todd Andrew Armstrong, a rising young career
diplomat. We would have three wonderful
children—-two girls and a boy. At the
time of the reunion, I would be living in Stockholm, because Todd was the newly
appointed ambassador to Sweden.
I turned out to be the world’s worst prognosticator. Not one aspect of my predicted future came
true. My nursing career was the first
thing to bite the dust. In 8th
grade, the Future Nurses Club took a field trip to a hospital. I remember being overwhelmed by the sights
and smells of suffering. Right then and
there I decided nursing was not for me.
But my other hopes and dreams took a lot longer to die.
Growing up I always assumed I would get married and
have kids. It was what everybody
did. It was what I wanted to do. During my early twenties, I wasn’t too
worried about it. I had had several
relationships that did not work out. I
just figured I hadn’t met “the one” yet.
The summer before I turned 25, I went to England to
work with the Campus Crusade ministry there. In July, we had the privilege of
attending the All Europe Staff Training in Ghent, Belgium. It was a joy to meet co-workers from Northern
Ireland, Finland, Germany and many other parts of the continent. One conversation was particularly
memorable. One of the wives on staff was
talking to a group of us “single ladies.” She said that if we were serious
about walking with the Lord and intended to marry only someone equally dedicated
to God, we had better be prepared for the likelihood that we would remain
single. Her reasoning was based on
simple mathematics. In Europe and the
United States (and probably the rest of the world as well), women in the church
greatly outnumber the men. I tried to dismiss
her warning but it lodged itself in the back of my mind.
After I turned 30, I realized that my prospects for
marriage were on the decline. By 35, I was starting to get a bit
desperate. I prayed earnestly, that God
would bring me a husband. I got my
friends to pray. I placed my hopes on a couple of different
relationships where I turned out to be much more interested in the guys
involved than they were in me. Just
before I reached the age where I would be ready for a real life 25th
reunion of Mrs. Lindeman’s class, I- wrote a poem reflecting my struggle with
my unmarried state:
SINGLE
Loneliness,
freedom,
Independence,
tears
Carefree,
awkward,
If
only, fears
What's
wrong with you?
Why
aren't you married?
You're
so lucky to be free.
My
life is so harried.
Wedding
showers, baby presents
Given
not received.
No
sleepless nights,
Or
bitter fights
Or
tensions unrelieved.
Ready
to follow where He leads;
It's
only me and God.
I
have no family of my own,
I
feel a little odd.
Many
longings unfulfilled
Desires
of my heart.
Will
two ever be one.
Oh,
to feel a part.
Thank
You Father for where I am today,
I
can contently rest
In
the knowledge that I am in Your will
And
that You give the best.
I
don't know what the future holds;
I'll
have to wait and see.
But
I know You hold the future
And
the love You have for me.
My Dad died when I was 39. A few months after that I went with my Mom to
see the movie, The Father of the Bride with Steve Martin. I
remember saying to Mom, how sad it would be that Dad would not be there to walk
me down the aisle. I had not given up
hope of getting married. God had not yet
given me a definitive answer to my prayer.
About five years later, I was on a
plane. I don’t remember where I was going, but I vividly recall the book I was reading: The Grip of Grace by Max Lucado. I was
reading Chapter 13, “Sufficient Grace” when this passage hit me like a ton of
bricks:
The Problem: When God Says No
There are times when the one thing you want is the one
thing you never get. You're not being picky or demanding; you're only obeying
His command to "ask God for everything you need." (Phil. 4 :6).
All you want is an open door or an extra day or an
answered prayer, for which you will be thankful.
And so, you pray and wait. No answer
You pray and wait.
No answer.
You pray and wait.
May I ask a very important question? What if God says
no?
What if the request is delayed or even denied? When
God says: no to you, how will you respond? If God says, "I've given you my
grace, and that is enough," will you be content?
Content. That's the
word. A state of heart in which you would be at peace if God gave you nothing
more than He already has. Test yourself with this question: What if God's only
gift to you were His grace to save you.
Would you be content? You beg Him to save the life of your child. You
plead with Him to keep your business afloat. You implore Him to remove the
cancer from your body. What if His answer is, “My grace is enough?” Would you
be content?
You see, from heaven's perspective, grace is
enough. If God did nothing more than save us from hell, could anyone complain?
If God saved our souls and then left us to spend our lives leprosy-struck on a
deserted island, would He be unjust? Having been given eternal life, dare we
grumble at an aching body? Having been given heavenly riches, dare we bemoan
earthly poverty?
Let me be quick to add, God has not left you with
“just salvation.” If you have eyes to read these words, hands to hold this
book, the means to own this volume, He has already given you grace upon grace.
The vast majority of us have been saved and then blessed even more!
But there are those times when God, having given His
grace, hears our appeals and says, "My grace is sufficient for you." Is
He being unfair?[1]
I finally had an answer to my prayer about getting
married. Not the one I wanted. Not the one I hoped for. But the one which God
in His infinite wisdom had decided was best for me: NO.[2]
Learning the Lesson:
Sometimes when God answers No there is nothing
you can do about it except trust in the goodness of God in spite of the
circumstances. But other times, we have
a choice about what we can do then God says No. In the book of Jeremiah, we find an example
of God’s people making a poor choice, when God said No. Babylon was attacking Israel at this time and
the people thought it would be a good idea to leave town and go hang out in
Egypt for a while. They asked Jeremiah
to pray to God for guidance:
Please let our petition come before
you, and pray for us to the Lord your God…that the Lord your God may tell us
the way in which we should walk and the thing that we should do…. Whether it is
pleasant or unpleasant, we will listen to the voice of the Lord our God to whom
we are sending you, so that it may go well with us when we listen to the voice
of the Lord our God. (Jeremiah 42:2-3, 6, NASB)
The
people hoped that God would tell them they were doing the right thing in
fleeing to Egypt but God said No.
Don’t go to Egypt. He promised to
take care of them if they stayed in Jerusalem but if they went to Egypt, they
were on the own. In a quick about face,
the people who just said they would do whatever God said “whether it is
pleasant or unpleasant” accused Jeremiah of lying and went to Egypt
anyway. Things in Egypt, needless to
say, did not go well for these folks.
I
don’t know what your No is but I do know you have a choice. You can become bitter when there’s nothing
you can do to change your circumstances. You can ignore God’s No and
just do what you want to do then live with the consequences.
Or you can say:
I don’t like it. I don’t understand it, but I
trust that You, Father, see the big picture and “I know that all that happens
to me is working for my good if I love God and am fitting into His plans.” (Romans
8:28, TLB, modified)
[1] Lucado, M. (1996). In the grip of grace. Nashville,
TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc. pp. 130-131.
[2] Years ago I heard Steve Arteburn say on Moody Radio: “If you are not married it may not be as a result of doing something wrong (not enough faith, etc.) but of doing something right (having high moral standards, being unwilling to compromise, etc.).” This was very encouraging to me and should be to all believers who find themselves single.
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