The soundtrack
of my college years was Carol King’s Tapestry album. Everyone in my dorm
had a copy of it and it seemed like it was constantly playing somewhere. One of the many classic songs from this album
is entitled, You’ve Got a Friend which has since been recorded by many
other artists. The refrain went:
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you've got to do is call
And I'll be there, ye, ye, ye
You've got a friend.[1]
I have been privileged to have many good friends who
will show up when I need them. For some odd reason, three of the best ones
have been named Kathy (all spelled with a K).
I met the first Kathy, Kathy Wade, at the Experiencing God study.
Neither of us were members of the church where the study was being held so it
seems like we were destined to meet. I
knew right away that we were kindred spirits.[2] She was
a foreign missionary to the Caribbean, working as an editor[3] on all the Sunday school material used on the
islands. Because it was easier to fly to
the various countries she ministered in from Florida, her work was
headquartered in the Fort Lauderdale area.
Even though we lived nearly an hour apart from each
other, we often found ways to get together after the class ended. Even when she moved out of Florida seven
years later, our friendship continued to thrive. Throughout our years of friendship, Kathy has
followed the command to “…in humility value others above yourselves, not
looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
(Philippians 2:3b-4, NIV) For example, when I was having the procedure to
have the hole in my heart closed, Kathy knew that my elderly mother was going
to be very anxious as she waited at the hospital. As she was by then living in Oklahoma, she
could not be there in person so she arranged for a friend that still lived in
Florida to come and keep Mom company that day.
This kind gesture was greatly appreciated by both mother and
daughter. Also, when my Mom died, Kathy
quickly arranged to come visit me at Christmas time because she knew how
difficult that first holiday on my own was going to be. Ever since we have spent every other
Christmas together enjoying the Florida sunshine.
I met the second Kathy, Kathy Caprio, just a few years
later. We quickly discovered we have two
loves in common: love for God and love for the movies. Over the years we have seen hundreds of
movies together. Some of them have been
memorable—standing for hours waiting to see the opening night of Spiderman,
Michael Collins which was so depressing it became our standard for a bad
movie, The Ghost and the Darkness which made me decide never to watch
movies where animals eat people and The Lives of Others[4],
a haunting look at the moral dilemmas faced by those living under the Communist
regime in East Germany.
For more than 20 years we also worked together at our
church to promote our most important love for God. At first Kathy was the head of the women’s
ministry and later she joined the church staff as the Next Steps Pastor. Most memorable of the projects we worked on
were the digital devotionals we put together for various holidays and sermon
series. Members of the congregation
would submit their 150-word devotionals and Kathy would ask me to serve as
editor (although each time I would swear to never do it again). After I finished the initial editing, we
would have long sessions where we would try to put the 40 or so separate
entries into a cohesive whole.
But more than just a buddy to hang out with or a
ministry partner, Kathy has proved herself to me as a faithful, caring
friend. She exemplifies what it means to
be Christ like by “shar[ing] each
other’s burdens, and in this way obey[ing] the law of Christ.” (Galatians
6:2, NLT) When Kristine had taken me to the hospital after I had the stroke,
she must have called Kathy who showed up in the emergency room with another
friend Mary. As we were doing what you
mostly do in the emergency room---wait---my three friends kept me distracted
and even laughing until the doctors showed up.
When my mom was dying in hospice, Kathy came. Since my siblings had not yet arrived from
out of state, she sat with me and prayed and sang over Mom who was mostly unconscious.
Since mom died, Kathy has been my emergency contact and health care surrogate,
which is a completely thankless job.
The third Kathy, Kathy Johnston, I have just gotten to
know well the past couple years. We were
in a church life group which met at my house for two years. It became clear to me that Kathy’s spiritual
gifts are helping and hospitality: “When God’s people are in need, be ready to
help them [she always does]. Always be eager to practice hospitality [she
always is].” (Romans 12:13, NLT) This past Spring provided two perfect
examples of her helpful and hospitable nature.
Since my dear cat Gracie had died in the fall, my boss Amy (world’s
greatest animal lover), thought I would be the perfect person to adopt the
abandoned cat she had rescued. I
reluctantly agreed. The cat, who I named
Mel, however, was not too happy about this arrangement at first. Leaving his familiar neighborhood and being
in a strange new environment totally traumatized this already distressed cat.
He hid from me during the day and whined incessantly at night while I tried to
sleep. After a sleepless week, I was
actively trying to give Mel away. Then
came Kathy to the rescue. She suggested
that putting him in a small space and letting him adjust to that would be a
good idea. She grabbed Mel from one of
his hideouts, behind the microwave in my kitchen, and placed him in my den. The
den became Mel’s room. I could close the door and get some sleep. This may not seem like a big deal but it
illustrates that being a friend in the little struggles of life can often be
big blessing to someone.
In April, I wanted to give a surprise birthday party
for our friend Vella. She was turning 80
and had never had a party for her birthday.
I picked out the restaurant where we would meet, invited Vella’s friends
and Kathy did everything else. She
bought the cake and decorations. She got to the restaurant early to set up and
greet the guests. She even arranged for
the band to play Happy Birthday at the appropriate moment. Vella was totally surprised and pleased. Kathy’s hospitality in action was a major
contributor to what Vella called one of the best days in her life.
My Kathys have shown me what it means to love as Jesus loved:
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved
you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s
friends. You are my friends if you do
what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know
his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that
I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12-15)
Learning the Lesson:
Advice columnist, Wendy Atterberry, wrote an article
for the Huffington Post entitled, Showing Up: The Single Most
Important Thing a Friend Can Do[5]. I wholeheartedly agree.
Take a few moments to think about Atterberry’s
suggestions for becoming the type of friend who shows up.
ü Do I budget enough of myself (my time and emotional
energy) to show up for my friends when it’s necessary?
ü Do I say no to enough things that don’t matter so that
I have the energy and time to say yes to the stuff that does matter?
ü Do I clearly communicate to my friends when stuff
really matters to me and listen for what really matters in their lives?
[1] King, C. (1971). You’ve got a friend. On Tapestry
[Record]. Hollywood, CA: A & M Records.
[2] I don’t know where this expression originated but I first learned it from Anne of Green Gables and it has been a favorite saying of mine ever since.
[3] And I must say a big thank you to Kathy Wade as she put her editing skills to work and edited this book for me.
[4] Kathy Caprio is one of my few friends who will go to foreign language films with me.
[5] Attenberry, W. (2016, April 13). Showing up: The single most important thing a friend can do. Huffington Post. Retrieved from https://tinyurl.com/y3v36hhc
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