10 Life Lessons Worth Learning Over and Over Again: Lesson 9: A Good Friend is Worth Her Weight in Gold---9.1 Believing for the Best in You

The most memorable teacher I ever had was my fifth grade teacher Miss Hazel. To my mind she was eccentric and exotic. She was from Wyoming, the home of both Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks which my family had just visited the summer before fifth grade. She owned a horse which made her like Dale Evans[1] in my eyes. She was lactose intolerant which was generally unheard of in Wisconsin, the “Dairy State.” And to top it all off she drove a Corvette Stingray convertible, undoubtably the coolest car ever!

But despite having such an unforgettable teacher, the most important thing that happened in fifth grade was not anything academic. The best part of fifth grade was meeting my friend of now more than 55 years, Debbie Duecker. That year Debbie had transferred from St. Robert’s to Lake Bluff, the public elementary school which I attended. We hit it off right away and have remained close friends even though we have lived in different states (and even different countries) for many years. An old Girl Scout song says: “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.” Debbie has definitely proven her weight in gold many times over.

When the Bible says, “A friend loves at all times…” (Proverbs 17:17, NASB), it reminds me of Debbie. She has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders. I love the Living Bible paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13. I bought a plaque of this “Love Chapter” when I was at Explo ’72 and I have had it hanging in my house ever since. In part it says, “If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.” (1 Corinthians 13:7, TLB) I love spending time with Debbie because she believes in me and always thinks I am better than I really am. What a privilege it has been to have a friend who has been loyal to me over half a century!

Loyal friends are hard to come by, so if you find one don’t let go. An extraordinary friend will place your welfare above their own. I have always been amazed at the friendship of David and Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of Saul, Israel’s first king. Humanly speaking he was next in line for the throne. But because of Saul’s disobedience, God had anointed David to be Saul’s successor. If Jonathan had been an average Joe, he would have been jealous of David and joined his Dad’s crusade to destroy him. But Jonathan was a godly man. He recognized God’s hand on David and sought to encourage and support him. Several times he warned David of Saul’s plots to kill him. During their final encounter, he told David, “Don’t be afraid,” Jonathan reassured him. “My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel and I will be next to you, as my father is well aware.” So the two of them renewed their pact of friendship…” (1 Samuel 23:17-18, TLB). David never saw Jonathan again. But he never forgot Jonathan’s kindness. After Jonathan was killed in the same battle as Saul, David became king. For the rest of his life, David endeavored to repay Jonathan by protecting and providing for his descendants.

But some “friends” are hardly worth having. Job had some of these friends. At least they showed up to be with him in his misery. When they sat quietly by his side, they appeared to be loyal friends. But then they opened their mouths. One after the other, they took turns blaming Job for all his problems. Instead of giving comfort, they gave condemnation. Job was already in despair, but his friends only made matters worse. After one of their reprimands, Job shot back: “Friends should be loyal to you in times of trouble, even if you turn away from God All-Powerful. But I cannot depend on you, my brothers. You are like a stream that has no water when the weather is dry but is flooded when the rains come.” (Job 6:14-15, ERV)

Believing the best about people is counter cultural. It is hip to be cynical. Pessimism about human nature seems justified every time we turn on the news, check social media, or just listen in on random conversations. But there is a divine spark in every human being. Recognizing that spark and fanning the fire of an individual’s potential, brings joy to a true friend.

Learning the Lesson:

I have been blessed to have so many good friends in my lifetime. But that doesn’t mean there have not been times when I have felt alone and friendless. When I first moved to Florida, I knew no one outside my family. It took me a while to meet people and even longer to say I made a friend. I am not alone in this. A couple months ago on the Today Show, Savannah Guthrie and Jenna Bush Hager were discussing a study that said, almost half of the people surveyed found it hard to make new friends.[2]

There is an old adage that says, “the best way to make a friend is to be one.” Therefore, learning the lesson that a friend is worth her weight in gold begins with a little self-examination. How good a friend am I? How good a friend are you?

Answer these questions as honestly as you can. Put an X where you think you usually fall on the scale. If you are tempted to give answers that make you look like a better friend than you really are, go back and read Lesson 7.3: Stop Lying to Yourself.

I go out of my way to meet new people.

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